This past weekend we went to dinner with some friends and met some new ones along the way. There were two other moms there in particular who I spent most of the dinner talking with. One of the moms had a son who beat cancer and the other mom has a sibling with special needs.
I haven't really talked to a peer who has a sibling with special needs. This has been her whole life, she was 4 and he was 2 when an accident happened that put her brother in the "special needs" category.
I have wondered now for a long time what that's like, to be the sibling. To be "the normal" or "the other" kid. I have many fears about both my kids childhood and what it will look like, how they will treat each other, how others will treat them.
It's soul crushing to feel like maybe you're not going to be as good of a mom to both kids simply because one has extra needs. Or that the "normal" one will feel slighted or not as loved. Quinn came into the world in a very special and unique way with the help of science, that compiled with everything she will do for and with her brother create some complex issues. Maybe they are issues that reside only in my head and will never come to fruition.
Maybe they will come to fruition, but once Quinn is old enough to have a mature conversation with me, maybe those things will be wiped away. I don't really know. I fear for the teenage girl hormones. I was really a bitch. The friend I met this past weekend said she was too, and she added that she also acted the way she did because she could. There is always something hurtful to throw in your parents face, she just had more ammunition to choose from.
Now as a grown adult she shared that while she did and said some crazy hurtful things to her parents, she never lost the love for her brother and she realizes now that she was totally irrational.
Some of my (irrational) fears were put to rest at dinner. My wonderful and beautiful daughter will inevitably and God willing become a horrid teenager. If our relationship can make it through those years everything will turn out okay.
I could go on for a while about this, but the Internet is forever, and one day Will and Quinn will both know how to read. Emotions are complex, but the love I have deep in my heart for those two crazy kids will always, always surpass whatever is going on.