We started the SubQ IVG in November, the weekend before Thanksgiving we found out that our second attempt at getting pregnant did not work. Then all the Thanksgiving festivities happened. Neil and I decided to go on an impromptu ski trip, so we went. It wasn't what we had hoped, but it was still time off. We got back this past week and I've enjoyed every minute of being home with Will.
I guess the past month has just been a heavy month.
The SubQ IVG stuff is a huge win for Will, but it's very stressful to get all the equipment, tubes, pump and meds ready, then jab a needle into Will and then watch him sit there for two hours while the IVG slowly drips into his body, forming a large lump of liquid under his skin. This is a weekly, ongoing procedure. This last time was especially unpleasant as it was the first time he complained during the process.
We try to make it a party - order pizza, have a family member or adult friend come over, have a picnic in the living room, watch a special movie. But that only gets you so far. My brave little boy.
I haven't felt thankful, everyone kept talking all month about how thankful they are... I know I am thankful for so much. I'm just so frustrated with this pregnancy thing. We are using an egg donor since it's my eggs that carry the Leigh's mutation. We're out of eggs from donor #1 and our doctor recommended starting with a new donor, a proven donor. So it feels like we are exactly back to square one, exactly where we were a year ago. It's hard to believe I've been jabbing needles, patches and pills in my body for a year and I don't have anything to show for it (the bruises are gone now) :-)
Our vacation was good, albeit some heavy conversations and bad weather all but one day. I think we were both just relieved to be home and with Will.
I know I need to do more for and with Will right now. We are in a peak time right now. We made a choice not to take Will out to a lot of places this winter eg. birthday parties, malls, large crowds.... Just want to give our bud a chance at health this winter season, but still do some fun stuff. It's maybe one of the hardest balances to strike.
I actually got my act together and started making Christmas gift lists and budget. Ordered a bunch of stuff online, still have quite a ways to go, but at least it's finally started.
At least I have recognized I'm in a hibernating funk and that it would be a good thing to snap out of it. That will likely have to just happen this week, as I know life is more fun on the other side.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays - whatever you celebrate, or don't, enjoy this time of year. I love seeing the magic of all of it through Will's eyes. I don't know if I'll ever forget the day we went to Target and we were rounding the corner into the Christmas section. Will's eyes filled with amazement to see all the lights, trees, ornaments etc. He was chatting non-stop about it. We walked up and down all the aisles. He kept asking who did all this, I said the people that work here. He told me (very authoritatively), No mommy, it was the elves from the north pole. Seeing the Christmas magic through his eyes, his pure little heart, is really awesome.