Big. Sad. Fake. Out.Dr.: you can have more of your own biological kids
Martin's: Really? Are you sure?
Martin's: Ok, this is awesome. Finally a positive.
Mito Specialist Dr: Sorry to again be the bearer of bad news, but no, I would strongly advise against any more biological children.
That's kind of the conversation we've had with multiple doctors in the past two weeks (as you've seen on previous postings) and the last one happened this morning.
Mito really is a mess.
Here's your science lesson for the day folks. Each cell has it's own nucleus and cytoplasm (the liquid area around the nucleus inside the cell.) The nucleus has its own identical mix of DNA and mito, while each part of the cytoplasm has different mitochondria. Each cell has identical nucleus, but NOT identical cytoplasm mitochondria.
The IVF procedure we were going to do involved extracting A SINGLE cell from the 8 cells that make up an embryo on the third day and testing only ONE cell for the mutation. The mutation lives in the cytoplasm.
Therefore, we'd have to test all eight cells cytoplasm to see if they have the mutation in the mitochondria. If we did that, we'd have no embryo left to implant.
So, that means we're back to the egg donor option.
I can't tell you how crushed I am. We both are.
One thing people always tell me about Will is that he has my color of eyes and that they are really quite spectacular :-) There's something very narcissistic about that I'm sure, but to me it's this beautiful gift I gave Will. One that complements the dimples Neil and I both gave him. All these so-called gifts in our genetics.
I just have this overwhelming dread about when someone asks me about these other petri-dish kiddos "oh, who does he look more like?" Well, certainly not me! Granted we will pick someone that favors me and I know there is plenty of data that says biology or not, you end up taking on characteristics of your environment. Well today I say screw that. I don't care.
This whole other IVF option felt like finally something was going our way, it felt easy and controlled. We could plan out what we wanted without the help of an egg donor or adoption agency etc.
I know at the end of the day it will all work out.
It's kind of funny though. When we thought we could have more bio kids, we were so excited that day. It lasted about five minutes. It doesn't take away all the hurt, pain and grief we are/will experience with Will. In fact, it kind of furthered that anguish. Why did Will get the crummy end of the stick here?
I'll post something positive tomorrow, but for tonight. Misery loves company and since you've actually chosen to read this, you're by default, my company :-) I think I'll make scrambled eggs for dinner tonight; oh wait, I already have some scrambled eggs. haha. I know, that was a bad joke. Goodnight.