Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Fake Out

Big. Sad. Fake. Out.
Dr.: you can have more of your own biological kids
Martin's: Really? Are you sure?
Martin's: Ok, this is awesome. Finally a positive.
Mito Specialist Dr: Sorry to again be the bearer of bad news, but no, I would strongly advise against any more biological children.

That's kind of the conversation we've had with multiple doctors in the past two weeks (as you've seen on previous postings) and the last one happened this morning.

Mito really is a mess.

Here's your science lesson for the day folks. Each cell has it's own nucleus and cytoplasm (the liquid area around the nucleus inside the cell.) The nucleus has its own identical mix of DNA and mito, while each part of the cytoplasm has different mitochondria. Each cell has identical nucleus, but NOT identical cytoplasm mitochondria.

The IVF procedure we were going to do involved extracting A SINGLE cell from the 8 cells that make up an embryo on the third day and testing only ONE cell for the mutation. The mutation lives in the cytoplasm.

Therefore, we'd have to test all eight cells cytoplasm to see if they have the mutation in the mitochondria. If we did that, we'd have no embryo left to implant.

So, that means we're back to the egg donor option.

I can't tell you how crushed I am. We both are.

One thing people always tell me about Will is that he has my color of eyes and that they are really quite spectacular :-) There's something very narcissistic about that I'm sure, but to me it's this beautiful gift I gave Will. One that complements the dimples Neil and I both gave him. All these so-called gifts in our genetics.

I just have this overwhelming dread about when someone asks me about these other petri-dish kiddos "oh, who does he look more like?" Well, certainly not me! Granted we will pick someone that favors me and I know there is plenty of data that says biology or not, you end up taking on characteristics of your environment. Well today I say screw that. I don't care.

This whole other IVF option felt like finally something was going our way, it felt easy and controlled. We could plan out what we wanted without the help of an egg donor or adoption agency etc.

I know at the end of the day it will all work out.

It's kind of funny though. When we thought we could have more bio kids, we were so excited that day. It lasted about five minutes. It doesn't take away all the hurt, pain and grief we are/will experience with Will. In fact, it kind of furthered that anguish. Why did Will get the crummy end of the stick here?

I'll post something positive tomorrow, but for tonight. Misery loves company and since you've actually chosen to read this, you're by default, my company :-) I think I'll make scrambled eggs for dinner tonight; oh wait, I already have some scrambled eggs. haha. I know, that was a bad joke. Goodnight.


  1. My heart aches for you guys. I'm so sorry about the bad news...nothing will change the facts but just know that I'm here for you. The gifts you have given Will will always live on and the gifts you give your future child will be just as special! I love you all.

  2. I am so sorry your eggs won't be a part of the process for your next kids; I know it would help for them to be but your eggs are not what hold together and make a family. You, Neil, Will, and your future kids are. The love you will have for them, no matter where they come from, is all that will matter in your lives. You will be a family not because of how you were made but because of what you do together, how you love, and how you live. Nothing will ever change the special bond you will all have, it will not be there because of blood, but because of LOVE!

  3. I love what the person above me wrote. I typed my comment over and over but once I saw there's I thought, that was exactly what I was trying to say! =) But of course that positivity will come later, right now you're allowed to cry and be sad about it...anyone would be! I'm so sorry to hear this Lori!! love you!!

  4. Total bummer Lori...I am so sorry to hear that.
    Your gifts of strength, determination, super smarts:) and sense of humor will abound in Will and in any future siblings, no matter how they join your family. Thinking of you guys.

  5. The anonymous comment was my sister Julie. She forgot to sign her name :-)

    Thank you everyone for all your loving comments and the side bar emails you sent. We really appreciate and couldn't do this without your support. Love Lori

  6. I'm so sorry to read this Diva. It all around sucks that you got your hopes up and then heard this news. But you are amazing and so strong and determined and I know you will have the other child(ren) you desire and when you do you'll know they were meant to be yours all along.

    Lots of love to you guys,

  7. Lori,
    My heart sank when I read this. I don't pretend to know what to say. But I hope you can connect with other mamas in your shoes. I know there are some great blogs out there about egg donor IVF, and perhaps their stories will give you hope. I do have a good friend who has infertility issues and ended up adopting two babies. They are not biologically connected but they are totally her kids. Probably sounds ludicrous to say it like that. But its amazing to witness. I cannot think of them as anything but meant to be. I hear it really is that way. She was so heartbroken to not be able to get pregnant, and now she feels 100% that things were meant to be this way so that Will and Kali could come into her life the way they did. My religious beliefs as a Buddhist are different than most who probably post here, but I really believe that however babies come into your family they have a deep connection to you from many lifetimes. You future children will be as intimately connected to you as Will is. And they will be blessed beyond measure to luck their way into the Martin home. Every kid should be so lucky. Be gentle with yourself. The heart wants what it wants, and you have every right to grieve yet another loss. I am so sorry. Sending wishes to you today!